Freaky Freakin’ Book!

dark-matter

“Dark Matter” by Blake Crouch is one of the most mind bendy books I have read to date. I love parallel universe stories, and this one is delivering on the “makes you ponder your existence” thing. 😛

First of all, I am writing this and have not finished the book yet! lol I just feel compelled to talk about it today.

It is giving me weird dreams. Bizarro, freaky, weird dreams! I kinda like that, though. haha

It explores the theory of the multiverse, in a geeky way, and also a way that is understandable… I think so, anyway. 😛 It is like pondering what is beyond the Universe…just mind boggling to think about a new “branch” or new world being created every time we make a choice. When we don’t take a job, when we decide to get married, have children, cross the street, eat broccoli over asparagus one night, etc. etc. In some other alternate world, we chose the other thing, and life goes in a different direction. Every. little. thing. Infinite. EEK! It is so mind-bendy, but sooooo interesting too! It makes for a great story!

I have not finished it yet, like I said (I am about 75% or so into it), but things are getting super weirder now. They were bizarre before, but now…whole other level! haha It is a page turner, and keeps me up reading until I can’t keep my eyes open. Great for that middle of the night insomnia I get these days too…although my early morning dreams seem prone to be the strangest I ever have! The other night  I had a dream where I was trapped in a building, just trying to find the exit to get back to my family, and every staircase I took led to the same floor. Not exactly what happens in the book, but nevertheless, totally influenced by it! hahaha

Blake Crouch is also the author of the “Wayward Pines” trilogy, which also, btw, are great page-turny, mind bendy reads. I highly recommend the BOOKS, and not the TV show made from them. It did not capture my attention, and was not nearly as good. Deviated too much from the books, IMO. Blake is definitely one of my current favourite authors, and I will likely devour any book he writes from now on. 😀

pines

wayward  last-town

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Pro…cras…tin…ayyyy…shun

Would make a good song, methinks. I should write it.

Pro…cras…tin…ayyyy…shun…..

Reminds me of one….hmm….I know…

dang Carly Simon! “You’re So Vain” was in my head yesterday. I hate that song, btw. What is the deal?

Oh well. Goin’ with it, anyway. I do like her voice, and the song I am posting is ok. Now, also stuck in my head, though. argh! Need a Zeppelin fix, maybe. No, I do. No maybees about it!

There. How about 20?! Hopefully that helps!! lol Damn, but Robert Plant was/is so sexay! mmmm…. oh, did I write that out loud? heh.

One thing it did do was  totally provide me with a procrastination tool, in which to avoid doing my laundry this morning, at least for as long as it takes me to write this completely pointless post.

Pro…cras…tin…ayyyy…shun. It’s making me wait….

haha. In a weird mood this morning. yeah. 😛

Out Of Body

Is this coping? I suppose it is, but I feel somewhat odd. The first week had a few crying spells, but mostly I felt very numb and robotic. There were things to do. Things to take care of. Then the event itself. I got through it, all without any major emotional breakdowns. It was weird. I felt a bit out of body then. Out of sorts. Wired funny. But I had tasks that only I could get done, so I had to just step up to them. I thought I would cry on the way back to where we were staying after it was all done. It trickled a bit. Still no breakdown. That night I slept fitful. Insomnia. Drifting dreams, so I must have dozed, at least. My youngest had nightmares. I sat up with him. Got to sleep finally at 4:30am. Slept till 10. Got up, and got on with that day. We were still not home, and there were things to be done. Did them. Robot mode still. Drove home. I tried to read, and I couldn’t. I can’t concentrate on my books for hours like I did. One escape route blocked. It makes me feel frustrated. I NEED my books!! I can manage to concentrate on word games though, weirdly enough. Timed ones, at that. I zone out….

Sunday, I woke up after a 15 hour sleep. I didn’t even take a sleep aid the night before. I woke up like I never slept. So weary. So teary. This day….one week after the fact….I finally wept. And couldn’t seem to stop. So I slept. Most of the day I felt weak, exhausted, and so profoundly sad.

Monday, yesterday, I felt a bit more normal. The routine of getting ready for school helped. I tackled my massive mountain of laundry finally. I didn’t feel like cooking, so I made chicken pies. The frozen kind. My mom loved those this last year because they were an easy thing to make for herself. The stupid pies made me cry. Then I was ok for a while again.

For the last few days I have been weird. Even to myself. I feel like I am another person, or something. Very me in the things I still do, but in overdrive (like Olivia and Olivia…if you watch Fringe you get that). Gorging on things that gave me joy before. Trying very hard to derive some out of them. Marathons of “Fringe”on Netflix….one of my favourite shows, watched again for the second time, but they all feel new again. Episode after episode. Then there are the X-Men marathons in between. And music….but not mellow anything. Loud, and rebellious stuff. Lots of Zeppelin, and AC/DC. Trying to drown out feeling anything close to mellow, or thoughtful. Because I dread…or KNOW on some innate level…that if I play the softer stuff, I will drift somewhere I don’t want to be. I will fall into the abyss of deep sadness.

I have been doing other wacky things all week….for instance, I dyed my hair a deep dark cherry red. On a whim. It has been that color before, but I was really liking the blonde/honey brown ombre I had it all summer. I liked the red for a day. Then I hated it for a few days. Now I kind of like it again, although I still miss the blonde. I seem to be just doing random things. I sat down for 6 hours the day before the funeral, and forged myself a steel wire necklace and bracelet. 6 hours straight. My fingers hurt from doing it. Not beading, but wirework….so I could hammer. Let out frustration, and who knows what else. I also needed to feel accomplished, maybe. And I did. I haven’t made any jewelry since I shut my shop down in April. It felt good. Even if I did do it in a strange robotic way.

I don’t know how to feel a lot of the day. I feel the tears brewing just below the surface constantly. I don’t WANT to cry ALL the time. So I distract myself, I suppose. I didn’t feel like cooking all last week or the last couple of days. Today…I made my homemade baked mac & cheese, and my Mom’s baked/steamed chicken….both are favourites of the boys, and of mine. I just had a craving for both. Comfort food, no doubt. But I felt this weird energetic compulsion to cook. I don’t know how much I will be able to eat, since my appetite is near zero these days. I eat because I have to. I saw what happened when my Mom wouldn’t/couldn’t eat anymore. So I make myself. I barely taste anymore, though…

I feel body snatched. Who is this person? Quick to anger, too. I hate that. Then I feel crappy that I snapped at whoever and apologize profusely. Then cry. Then am alright for a while. Some days I want to sleep all day, others….can’t get enough activity. I suppose it is all normal, on some level. It is grieving. Everyone handles it differently. I have never lost a parent before. Nobody knows how they will handle it, until it actually happens. You can imagine all you want, but it is never enough. Nothing can prepare you….really. She was ill a LONG time, and I knew it was coming, like a train track missing over a ravine, and you know it is there, but the train is a runaway, and you can’t get off. I have used that analogy before. It applies to a few things in life, methinks…..

Rambling on. I know. I feel so dazed and spaced out most of the time. Like I’m not really here. Writing it out was another manifestation I was feeling compelled to do.

Now that it is done, and the words out of my brain…maybe I can finally read again. Or at least finish the next 4 seasons of Fringe within the week, if not….. 😐

Living In My Own Little Realm of Giggly Strangeness

I am…. a wee bit weird.

Yes, it is true.

A total geek grrl, too….

And only those who adore Thor

Will find the next little tale

Funny without fail….

And yes, it is also a fact,

That I am a poet,

And completely know it.

 *giggles* that was so bad! 

So, anyway, that was off the cuff, as I sat down to write about my weird little geeky grrl self, and the thing that made me giggle and smile this morning. Since those two things are sometimes rare for me to find in daily life, these days, with so much heaviness weighing on my mind lately, I embraced it.

First off… I name my vehicles. I probably got this from my mother, who also did that. I remember her little Volkswagon “Julius” and our Toyota Corolla in the 70s she named “Lisa” for whatever reason. Anyway, the boys love my weirdness, and just jump on my bandwagon lol. We have a snow white van, and snow white truck. The van, the boys and I dubbed “Snowflake”, for obvious reasons, , and the truck that came along 3 years later, “Frost”. I know…we are soooo original! hahaha!

Today, we were in the van backing down the driveway, on the way to school, and we were passing the truck sitting there. I mentioned to them that it was going into a body shop today to have it’s hail damage dings fixed. So, I naturally said….because naturally I also talk to my vehicles like they were people …..  I said “Bye, Frost”. Then it hit me…

Bye Frost. Bifrost. 

  

For those not getting it…. well….watch Thor, I guess. 

“The Bifröst Bridge is a magic rainbow bridge in Asgard guarded by the warrior Heimdall, the omniscent god. It’s a link between all the Nine Realms of the Norse cosmos, but can be opened only if Heimdall permits it: the bridge is in fact much too powerful, and it would destroy all realms if left opened. ” http://marvel-movies.wikia.com/wiki/Bifrost_Bridge

The boys got it. Of course. They so get ME. bahahaha! 

Dinos, Time Travel, and Weirdness, Oh. My.

While on the subject of page turners, re: my last post ‘Book Junk Food’, I feel compelled to mention another fun, page-turny series concerning the wonderful world of weirdness in story-telling.

I don’t even really know how to describe the series from James F. David, but I’ll give it a whirl….The series starts with “Footprints of Thunder”, which concentrates on large portions of the Cretaceous Period ending up switching places with present day Earthly locations, complete with man-eating dinos with large teeth, and how people cope with this bizarro situation, then onto the second book, “Thunder of Time”, where there is mind-bendy stuff going on with strange energy gathering pyramids that invoke time jumping to ancient Mayan civilization, where sacrificial rituals are going on(eek!), to alternate time scenarios, to hanging out on the moon with a few more dino predators, and crazy people, too…very fun read! (my fave of the three, btw). The last, “Dinosaur Thunder”, completes the series with more time travel through mysterious portals, and a fast paced race to escape the dino extinction asteroid before time is altered FOREVERMORE! dun, dun, dun! lol Throw in a little “past-life on Mars excursion”, and voila! Perfect, delicious, escapism.

I loved every one of them. Read them fast. More “book junk food”. “Far-fetched”(duh…hahaha), imaginative, fascinating, and SO FUN to read!

Guardian Gnome, Eric the Groovy

I have a little gnome. He follows me around the house….”mysteriously”. His name is Eric. I don’t know why. My youngest named him. It suits him, though…still, why, I don’t know.

Say hi, Eric.

Eric

hahaha

Ok…he can’t talk, and, no…really….I am not losing it. Well, maybe. Eek. 😛  I do spend an awful lot of time by myself. If the thing really does talk back to me, I might admit to the losing my mind thing. Right now, I am just admitting to being “slightly” weird. lol

I bought the little guy after being inspired by the little gnome that follows my middle son’s Sims around when he plays Sims 3. His people will be doing whatever, and this gnome will  once and a while just show up in the room . Sitting there. On the floor. On the table… Staring at everyone. It is weird and spooky, and my son says he doesn’t know where it came from…probably some game option he clicked on sometime. Anyway….he is always remarking on it showing up, and having to show me. So I decided it would be fun to find a little gnome to have around in real life. I found the perfect one(Eric). Perfect because he looks so laid back, and groovy… with his headphones, necklace, and slouchy green T-shirt (green also being my son’s fave color, so bonus!). He doesn’t look sinister….well, maybe a little….hmmm….The boys love him, and are always placing him around the house in places intended to startle me! bahahaha. I like doing that too, I must confess. I know….I maybe should get a life. 😛

Anyway….today….looking at him got me thinking about creepy dolls for some reason. He is not creepy(not yet, anyway…*looks at Eric nervously* lol ), so I don’t know why that would be, but nevertheless….

I don’t like baby dolls, or “life-like” dolls with the moveable eyelids and such.*shudder*. Too much Twilight Zone and the like, maybe. Wait…can’t have too much of that! ‘Tis my fave! 

 

*looks at Eric nervously again* 

Consequently, one day in 2009, I wrote a poem about the subject…..

THE DOLL

The doll sat staring.

Blank, blue eyes,

Painted, plastic mouth.

 

Motionless in the darkness,

It watched,

It waited…

 

A soft sound escaped…

A barely audible whisper,

“Mama”, it said.

 

Eyes fixed upon her.

The gaze haunting and real.

She screamed, as she fainted.

 

An illusion of sanity,

Was all that was left,

As the doll moved forward….

©WD(sapphyreskye) October 2009
Have a great non-spooky doll day! Mwahaha! 

The Tale of The Mysterious Clone Army

It was surreal. Like something out of a dream….

There they were. Presented to me in a couple of little hands. Clenched tight, like a treasure found at the bottom of the sea.

Found here and there, amazingly at the same time.

And, equally amazingly, all….INTACT!

No heads were missing, no limbs were lost. Scuffed from battle, yes, but otherwise they escaped the lair of the three giants…the land of the headless toys…virtually unscathed…..

They… unlike their brave comrades before them…. were the lucky ones.

For….now

Mwahahaha!

Those poor guys….flung from far distances, buried alive, tossed into the black hole that is the toybox, rescued in time from the maw of the gigantic cocker spaniel, a spin or two in the washing machine vortex, just because they hid in a pocket, then facing a possible melting death in the dryer of doom…. such brave little clone soldiers! 😛

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