I can’t paint enough. It captivates me. It soothes me, like nothing else. I can’t, however, completely capture what is in my head, though, and that gets a bit frustrating at times. But on I paint, and paint some more, anyway. I have painted many “fantasy” landscapes over the last little while. Even my kids tell me that they would “like to go there”, “to that beautiful, colorful place which looks like a magical planet”. Or, “live in that little house on the hill in the parallel universe”, of the colorful universe hatched from my mind, because “it looks like such a happy place to be”. They get it. Instinctually. What I am almost obsessed with trying to capture. With why, and what I can’t stop painting. I love them so much. They understand me like nobody else does. Maybe because they are part of me. Who knows.
They are my private worlds. They are painted for me. They are my escape while I create them, and a place to go when I am done. I can only “go there” visually….but sometimes I wish life would allow “twilight zone moments”. Not necessarily a forever thing, but a way to really step into those other worlds. Getting back if I wanted to, staying as long as I wanted. Where time stands still. Worlds where there is no dealing with loved ones having dementia. Because it doesn’t exist there. No disease, either. Worlds where everyone is genuine, and you don’t have to wonder who is fake, or full of BS, all the time. Worlds where there is no backstabbing, exclusion, judgement, and abandonment. Worlds where there is no despicable corruption of character and otherwise, in people one should be able to trust, and where I don’t have to deal with it like a constant severe headache, from which there is no relief. No anxiety there. No stresses. No massive responsibilities for other people, and their former bad decisions, that weigh me down like I have a dead albatross, or six, superglued around my neck. But then, I can decide to have none of that in my worlds. Worlds where the only people that populate them, are the ones I want to be there, ones I love….healthy, well, and happy…..because, after all, I paint those worlds. I painted them filled with colors and light, filled with dreaming trees, warm suns, endless lush hills, meadows, and cozy cottages….dream worlds filled also with hope, and endless serenity….
But, alas, I stand in reality, at least fortunate enough to possess the talent and freedom to paint, paint, and paint some more. To create my alternate worlds to my heart’s content…for they are real somewhere….in my dreams, and my mind’s eye. In my heart. Through the eyes, and imaginations of my wonderful, insightful sons. And those “color worlds” continue to save my sanity, because I can create them, and get lost in them while doing so…. and that, in itself, is a special, magical thing.